News
On this page we plan to feature any and all newsworthy announcements concerning Our People. Also, a healthy selection of the tastiest Press Releases, Marketing Materials, and all and sundry lists, databases, and personal contact information that we can dig up about our valued confidential clients.
May 14th: Extra Helpings Day
As a fortuitous unexpected result of our recent unfortunate downsizing, our cafeteria czar has announced that it will be his pleasure to heap on extra portions of just about everything that we have in the kitchen before the smell gets any worse. Be behind the cafeteria between 12:45 and 1:10pm on Thursday, and bring a large sack or cardboard box.
July 27th: Press Release
Executive Search Partners Once Again Dodges the Bullet
On Friday, we’ll all be getting out early and heading to any bar that we can find to celebrate yet another month or two of solvency. Yesterday, our receptionist LaTrina discovered seventy-three cents in lost change between the cushions of our waiting room sofa, which represents almost three times the revenue from our last quarter. Online casino USA, here we come!
April 11th: Deborah Dearborn-Jaundice to Embark on Three-Month Seminar Tour
We here at Executive Search Partners are pleased as punch to announce that our very own CEO, Deborah Dearborn-Jaundice, will be featured as a guest lecturer on the “I Have a Growth” inspirational business seminar junket. We couldn’t be more happy that she’ll be distracted for over eight weeks, during which any and all visitors to our Duluth Processing Facility will be warmly welcomed and online slots will be played.
August 1st: It’s Too Damn Hot In Here
Following an unprecedented six month research study, which required every member of the RND division as well as a number of outside contractors, we’re at long last ready to release the findings of our top secret project known only as Code Name Fahrenheit. While we can’t divulge any of the details until further processing by our accounting staff, we can hint that a solid upward trend has been seen in the numbers since the first of the year. In the last month or so, we seem to have hit a plateau, but we have every expectation of even higher growth in the remaining months of this year.
Posted on: June 10, 2010